I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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