My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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