i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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