My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
