i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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