While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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