Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
