My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
