This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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