Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
