Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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