some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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