If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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