i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
