Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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