so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
