Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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