We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
