He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
