It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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