I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
