I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You need a sexual gate keeper
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Holy shit dude........stairs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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