Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please come you make the beer taste better
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
