he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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