We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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