it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That accounts for only three of the penises
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
