You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
