There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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