the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
