youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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