Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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