Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
