I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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