The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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