whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she peed on how many people?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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