It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
