You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
