everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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