"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
then he tried to convert me to islam
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's blow job season.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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