Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
