the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
