I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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