The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
