a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
