Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
