she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
