I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
