Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
