Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
