Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
