You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
