I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
