I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
