So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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