can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
